I
eat, I nap and if I am very lucky, my human will taunt me with a fur covered
plastic mouse. Oh Joy! I humour him, throwing my paws at the ridiculous toy
while he gleefully chuckles like a child. Stupid humans.
One
day, everything changed. I had been out for a morning stroll, watching the
field mice run past my feet teasing me. I had become far too fat and spoilt to
chase mice. As I arrived home, an infectious sound filled my ears; I began to
bop my head in the rhythm to the music, matching my walk to the beat, which had
by now turned into a strut. I was the coolest cat in town.
I
walked inside and jumped up onto the record player. My human laughed with joy
at my antics; imbecile. I do not exist for the entertainment of the inferior
life source.
I
look at the empty vinyl sleeve sitting there. “Joy Division, Unknown
Pleasures.” I liked it! Finally some excitement in my boring existence! I
jumped on the floor, sliding backwards across the wooden surface in a moonwalk.
Suddenly, it all came together; finally, my life’s purpose had been revealed. I
had a plan! I was going to start a band of my own!
I
trotted off into the garage, with a head full of ideas, ideas of world
domination!
In
the corner, laid on the floor covered in dust, was a guitar. I began plucking
at the strings with my claws. I sounded incredible! I think I may have been
even better than Joy Division!
Within
a two day’s I had Tommy the Tom on bass, Sebastian the Siamese on drums and
myself on lead and vocals. We had an incredible sound and all of the cats would
gather outside of the garage to hear us play.
It
was going so well that the local fat cat offered us a contract to be our
manager. He worked hard promoting us, he got “Grumpy Division” hoodies and
T-shirts printed up to sell at gigs. He got posters printed up which he put on
trees around the area, advertising our band. Unfortunately they failed to reach
a human audience as they were thought the posting were for missing cats. Stupid
humans.
One
night, I was chilling in my crib, when the next door neighbour knocked at the
door. Ordinarily, I would not have budged, but after finding a new lease of
life I curiously hung around my humans feet whilst he spoke to her.
“I
was just wondering about the noise on an evening.” She said in her withered
voice. “It sounds like someone is strangling a cat in your garage!”
The
outrage! How dare she? She can hardly even hear! My dreams and hopes were
dashed as I once again returned to my silk pillow to embrace the mundane.
I
now have 20000 limited edition “Grumpy Division” hoodies and T-shirts I must
sell, so grab yours while you can. Stupid humans!
grumpy cat - grumpy division chocolate long sleeve tee
grumpy cat - grumpy division chocolate long sleeve tee
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